do you believe in love at first sight it's an illusion i don't care


	do you believe in love at first sight it's an illusion i don't care it's all an illusion there's too much confusion down down down with your heart find find find the secret turn turn turn your head around baby we can do it we can do it alright do you believe in love at first sight it's an illusion i don't care do you believe i can make you feel better too much confusion come on over here can we get together i really i really want to be with you come and check it out with me i hope you i hope you feel the same way too...

Sunday, May 14, 2006 ::: RE-ENTRY It's a bit late for this I know. I should've written this on the 15th. Isn't it mandatory to write a birthday reflection? Especially for someone who likes to pretend that he can think very deep thoughts. So I'll just write what's in my mind on that very day. And brace yourself, leave this place, because nobody should want to read this shit, honestly. At least not the first part. So what's in a narcissist's mind on his 21st Bday?* What have 21 years of life taught me? Have all these years taught me nothing? Or perhaps, if I was taught just one thing, it's is how to be selfish. Arrogant. Egocentric. Proud. Ignorant. (OK I know I'm listing out 5 slightly different qualities already). But you get the idea. It was absolutely a shitty morning. I live in an island. Should I feel sorry for myself? Why did it end up this way? Is there something wrong with me? Is it all my fault? Am I blaming myself too much, or not blaming myself enough? A million questions that meant the same thing - Am I a total failure? It defintiely felt that way. I'm a wreck. And worse thing is, I know there are more wrecks to come. Bigger wreckages. Some that probably can't be repaired. I just know it. It's not a prophecy. I just know it. And please don't ask. And at that point it's pretty hard to feel like you're on top of the world, although it's your birthday. But the party in the afternoon was great. Thanks for everything - the very yummy cake and apple pie, the lovely card (love what you guys wrote), and a very fun afternoon. It wasn't great losing out on Monopoly, but winning the Quoridor and that chess game gives me a reason to still believe in something that's called 'birthday luck'. Thank you all for giving me a wonderful afternoon. And the night chat was funny too. And special thanks for the lovely present and card. I love it. Can't show you the disappointed-yet-can't-show-it face though cuz I like it. So that is it. Feeling quite shit at first but quite happy at the end. Thank you for making my day. Yet the question is still unanswered. Am I? Especially after the morning I got bombarded again, and again and again. For more reasons to indicate what a total wreck I am. And I'm now a bit numb. Accuse me some more. And I'm numb. * And for the exact same reason, I handed it^ over. Without arguing. Without protesting. Without saying a word. Just take it. I don't feel a thing. I don't feel mad. I'm actually OK about this. Is it some kind of game I'm playing? I don't really know, and I can't tell you. Because on this very day, I don't know what I know anymore. 'It takes a fool to remain sane'# - Do I want to be a fool or do I want to be sane? Maybe I'm neither. But whatever. I don't know where I stand anymore. * I don't know. Spoiled? Apathetic? How bad can I be? * very bitter sounding, I know. ^ refer to recent Announcement. # refer to 'It Takes A Fool To Remain Sane' post. ::: posted by Wings at 5/14/2006 09:19:00 AM

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it's all an illusion there's too much confusion down down down with your heart find find find the secret turn turn turn your head around baby we can do it we can do it alright do you believe in love at first sight it's an illusion i don't care do you believe i can make you feel better too much confusion come on over here can we get together i really i really want to be with you come and check it out with me i hope you i hope you feel the same way too...

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